On top of that, the doctor basically ignored me when I told her all the issues I’ve been having with the antibiotics she put me on.

I almost can’t eat anything. Everything feels like it’s coated in pepper or salt or hot peppers or something; my mouth and throat burn so fucking hot and bad that I feel like puking. Ramen and cereal seems to be the only things this doesn’t happen with, so far.

On top of that, I keep getting that sick feeling in my throat. That feeling that I didn’t swallow a pill well enough and it’s sticky in my throat.

She said, “Oh, it’s normal to be nauseous on this medicine. Just take it with a full stomach!” which was completely unhelpful.

And she also didn’t listen to me when I told her I was still having significant itchiness on my breasts.

She only seemed concerned about my pelvic exam. Which, yeah, that was the main point of the visit, but god damn it? Why should I schedule a new appointment when she’s right there?

And in related news, I have an infection. I didn’t need an exam to know that. But she’s gonna test to see what it is. She took a pap too so I could know if it traveled up from my IUD or anything like that. Won’t know about the pap until late next week at least, but the infection results will be in by Monday.

However, she said it’s been there for a while, because I’m swollen like a god damned blueberry (or… giant ass cherry, as it were, lmfao). Which explains some things, and to be honest I’m not surprised. I’ve been itching off and on for a while but I didn’t have any means to see a doctor, or a doctor to see, and I kept putting it out of my mind because I live in denial about my health always.

Hopefully I didn’t give myself PID from being a dumb piece of shit.

I have mixed, convoluted feelings about having sex and my sexual history.

I try to write something about it but then I just delete it because, what am I saying? Do I mean that? What do I want to really say?

Why are centaurs so hot when it’s absolutely impossible for me to have sex with them.

> attempts to look up Tenkai Knights porn
> it’s all blatant shota porn

So I put on the cream I’m supposed to use on my breasts, collar, neck, back, and face last night. It’s just an antibiotic and not like anti-itch or anything.

But I woke up today itching like crazy across my chest/collar, I’m covered in little red dots some of which are bumps filled with serum. It’s the only place I’ve broken out, so I don’t know if the cream caused it. And I know I’ve only been taking my medicine for two days and used my cream once. But I do find it discouraging and disgruntling, especially considering I had my doubts about the diagnosis in the first place.

The itchiness of my breasts has escalated all of a sudden and now I am covered in sores. I’m calling the doctor Monday because this has to end.

We talk about daddy/mommy doms but what about a reversal?

Daddy/mommy SUBS?

I might be able to get into that.

I dunno, I have a complicated relationship with my parents so the idea of trying to put the idea of parents into sex play kind of puts me off because I think about the abuse and the bullshit and yeah…

But if I can beat them up or something that might make a difference. Eh, who knows?

Why is it when you’re half asleep your erotic fantasies seem way hotter?

But anyway, I totally thought about Candler having an erotic dream about being tiny and a monster Zed pleasuring him with a long, pointy tongue, but then when it slips up into him, it bursts out his belly, and wraps itself around his torso and pulls him in to monster Zed’s mouth, slowly, which chomps on him every little bit like a pocky stick or celery stalk or something, and he’s completely alive and enjoying this because he’s fucked up to hell, and just as the chompers come down and pop his little head and end that shit-eating grin of his, he wakes up, covered in a big load and hot and sweaty.

It seemed a lot more sexy when I was dozing it out in bed but hey still sounds awesome.

so if your trans are you going to transition??

Okay anon the first thing I’m gonna say is something I’m saying for my friends and for other people who feel this way and something I need to say because I’ve gotten a lot of asks like this and I AM FINE WITH THEM but a lot of people are not so I’m gonna say this really quick don’t take it personally:

  • This, and other really personal asks (particularly pertaining to sexuality, bodies, health, and gender), are generally not appropriate to send out of the blue to people. Even if they SEEM like people who would be okay with such a question, unless they explicitly say it’s okay, you should try asking ABOUT personal questions before you ask the question.

I say this not targeting you in particular but because anons have asked me personal stuff a super whole lot in my years being here, and I am okay with them (in general), but I’ve seen tons of people on my dash who aren’t so open about themselves. Also, sexual asks in particular make most people uncomfortable so if you’re going to hit on someone try keeping it pretty tame or just don’t do it at all. It CAN be considered sexual harassment, remember!

Okay. That being said.

Transitioning… that’s a hard one for me.

To be honest, the only thing I want to do, have ever wanted to do, is to get a penis. At first I thought I wouldn’t try because we don’t really have the technology yet to make an exact working replica of the standard DMAB penis, and that’s what I would REALLY like, and I didn’t think I’d be satisfied with less, but as time has gone on I’ve thought, “better something than nothing at all”.

But there’s problems with that because I don’t want all of the masculinizing effects that T can have. I don’t shave my legs or genitals and don’t mind having to shave my arm pits, and oh well boob and butt hair, but FACIAL HAIR is a fucking demon and I hate it (on me - everyone else looks fab). Additionally, I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable asking for T from or asking about T safety (because you can just get creams without prescriptions), additionally most docs won’t help you if you’re not binary trans.

But that’s it as far as that goes. Nothing spectacular tbh.

I’ll probably never present as a demigirl IRL. Not because I’m fake but because… well, shit, people don’t respect binary trans people to begin with, nonbinary is something totally over most people’s heads, and then saying you’re like half a girl and half a nothing in particular, people are going to be super fucking awful about it in one way or another.

People will still see me as 100% female because I’ll have breasts (I like having them, I don’t plan on binding them) and I don’t like having “boy” haircuts. So even though I’ll never wear dresses or skirts or do my hair or anything “womanly”, and only use makeup for interviews (because I’ll probably not get hired if I don’t, LOL MISOGYNY), and only wear t-shirts and jeans and tennis shoes and business suits, I’ll still be assumed as 100% female. (Unfortunately, a female that “needs work”, for way too many people.)

I don’t mind she/her pronouns and proudly astute that I am still a woman (yes, it is possible to be a nonbinary (wo)man) so I’ll be all right. I’ll feel a little uncomfortable but I’m always like that anyway so it’s nothing new.

I’ll only admit my true gender in places and with people I feel won’t screw me on it.

I hate when people with penises demand or expect deep throating.

Do you people not understand what deep throating even is? Yes, we get it, you like being all the way in something and that feels best. That’s understandable but you gotta realize that not every hold can take it all and we are not obligated to do so.

Deep throating is difficult for most people and takes some time and practice, and fucking PATIENCE on your part. And some people simply aren’t ever able to do it or are unwilling to try. This is not an invitation for you to teach them how to do it or to just force yourself anyway.

And for fuck’s sake, STOP GETTING OFF ON US STRUGGLING WITH IT. That is super fucking creepy. Stop stroking your ego with false notions of how huge you are and THINK ABOUT US. And stop forcing us to keep struggling, which is also super fucking creepy, and let us back off and gather ourselves.

(And you know what really gets my goat about this? When we struggle, they force themselves on us more despite the fact we are struggling, and they trigger us to puke, they have the audacity to get mad at us. Dude, what the fuck do you think choking people do when they can’t get what’s choking them out of their throat? It’s a fucking instinctual reflex!)